There is a lot to love about Fern Grotto Inn and our cottages. But, we also know we’re not for everyone. In our quest to make sure that only the right guests find us, we’ve compiled a list of reasons NOT to stay with us.

1. You love hotels and resorts. Fern Grotto Inn is quite different from your typical hotel or resort experience. As a self-service vacation rental provider, we do not offer concierge or maid services (though all of our rooms are professionally cleaned between guests). And while we do have a lovely body of water—the Wailua River—in our backyard, and the Pacific Ocean just a block further, there is not a single waterfall pool or swim-up bar to be found here.

2. You hate bugs (and other creatures). We’ll be honest here: we’re based in a tropical location, and despite our best efforts, bugs and other critters are an unavoidable part of life on Kauai. If you are not comfortable with bugs, geckos, ants, roaches, lizards, spiders, chickens, snails and the occasional big, fat barely-able-to-move frog, Fern Grotto Inn may not be for you.

3. You want someone to plan your days for you. Guests who love Fern Grotto Inn tend to be the DIY type who don’t mind asking locals for suggestions, exploring on their own, making their own arrangements, and creating their own itinerary and adventures.

4. You don’t care about the environment and sustainability. Taking care of our stunning natural surroundings is very important to us at Fern Grotto Inn. Litterers are not welcome here. Neither are folks who like to run the A/C with the windows open, or leave the A/C running all day while they’re out and about. Please help us to preserve our precious natural resources!

5. You love to dance the night away. If you’re a party animal who loves lights, loud music, and bumping nightlife, Fern Grotto Inn is definitely not for you. And neither is most of Kauai, for that matter! However, if you like lazy mornings spent sipping coffee in a tropical oasis that feels like home, leisurely bike rides to the beach, or cruising the river with a complimentary kayak, Fern Grotto Inn may be exactly the right place for you.